Grey World

Nowadays a lot of complicated things running through my life, sometimes I just feel like going back the old me and start drive like a mad man and drink like a retard. 

Sometimes what I think is right, may not be right. What others think is wrong, may not be wrong after all. I believe, my life stays in a grey zone. No definite dark and no definite light. 

Last night I was going to pay my parking ticket in a mall while the line was very long, I noticed a lady along with her two children are outside the line looking at people in the queue. 

At first I thought she waiting for someone in the line to pay the parking ticket, but she prove me wrong. A Malay man front of me was paying the ticket and the lady suddenly walks up to him and asked if he could help her to pay for hers, bringing her children along asking for mercy. The man rejects and smiled at her and 
walked off.  

The next was me, I walk to the machine and eventually I am the next victim she asked. “Sir, can you help me? My children are very tired as it is very late, can you help me?” I looked at her, “Sorry, it would be very unfair to the people behind me.” I smiled and walked off after retrieving my ticket from the machine. While my head was telling her, “How about I pay for the people behind me along? All of them are like you, tired and wanting to go home to rest.” 

I may sound selfish. But if I pay for her, people behind me, who stand on the queue for 30 minutes just like me, complaining in the head why is the line so long? And I pay for the lady because her children needs to sleep and tomorrow is a holiday anyway. I may be cursed by this lady, but I will not be cursed by the people behind who are waiting their turn. 

My condition of helping her is, she is pregnant, she is fairly old or she is handicap.  

I hope He understands my decision.