How are you man? I hope you’re good wherever you are man. Kind of miss you actually. Since you left I always thought it’s just another day to say goodbye to someone I’m not very close to and it will be a another normal day.
Now sleeping the place where you used to, always makes me wonder what you do back then and how you feel each day. I still remember back then you would talk dirty jokes with me and brightens my day back then. The times where you come in to my parents room and blast the new sound system my dad bought back then with those underground foul language songs from Hong Kong. I was freaked out and you convinced me that grandmother would not understand what the song is about. Always makes me think I’m that naïve.
Your cigarette smell every time you came back from wherever you went with your bike always makes me wanted to ride a bike. Sadly, my mom always thinks you’re the reason why I shouldn’t be riding a bike. The scars and complication you been through always makes me wonder how the hell you get through each day.
Family disapprove you and only few friends who deals with underground business must be hard for you even to come back to a normal life with a decent wife. Even I disapproved you back then and neglected you.
Been 5 years since you passed away and it hurts me why I didn’t spend valuable time with you and gives you a reason to be accepted in this cruel world. Each puff I took, remembers you and how I should accept people who are being like you. I’m trying very hard to accept them but it always that hard to stop discriminate and stereotyping.
Now I’m trying hard to take care of grandmother. I know she always favor you and protects whatever things you used to do back then. She’s old now and not as mobile as she used to back then. I know she is not as happy as back then. Each New Year I can see she must have been heartache to see only the daughters would celebrate with her.
I’m sorry. I wasted the times when you are still around.