It’s been awhile I blogged. First foremost, perhaps many did not know what happened to me after the last year final exam. After the finals in 2010, I took up a job and was very excited about it. They even provide me a fair good salary that I would expect. Everything was so perfect and I was so looking forward for it after the 2 weeks church camp. However, things didn’t turned out what I was expected. In the second week of the camp, I got the news that I failed one of the subjects. It is normal to be sad and starts to get frustrated but somehow, I didn’t, as if I expected to fail this subject.

I took my chance and went for the appeal without letting my company to know my situation. I did not dare to sign the agreement letter yet fearing that my appeal will fail. Hope was there, but deep in me, I know I will not get the expected result. The company called and I told the truth. Disappointed was filled in the company, but they needed a staff. So my boss asked me if I really need the job. Of course I will say yes. But the response is too ideal and I don’t know if I’m able to cope repeating the paper while working.

So here I am now worked more than a month while repeating a paper. The company was generous enough to give me leave to travel up to campus and have a director study every once a week. The thing I am lack of is the understanding from the family and what I don’t need are questions about why I’m not graduating and why I failed. Isn’t obvious why would a person fail and asking silly question why again? My family was the ones that keep boasting that I’ll be graduating soon before knowing the result and now I don’t know how to respond to the friends and family how is my convocation. Now with all the wishes and all, in the process of settling down, the pressure just keeps coming.

The silent treatment and ignoring the problem seems to be one culture being held in my family. I guess I’m too used to it and now knowing that what I really need was guidance. Luckily, my boss is a very experienced man and able to help me think and sort problems independently. Without him, I don’t think I will look at things critically and stop dragging things to the last minute to avoid problem.

The starting salary was about 2k, now I’m earning 1.4k per month. Driving up and down from home to work took minimum 30 minutes, while if caught in jam, I will take more than an hour. Pay toll RM3.20 go and back. Petrol at least RM50 every 3 working days, I barely survive with my salary, now hoping to get a house or a room to stay near my work place to save petrol and time.

Working as a teacher, a lot may look at me with one kind thinking as if it’s a useless job and no way to develop. For me, I don’t take money as important to buy what I want. I just want to survive and get things over with my study loan. I will extend my study probably in 5 years time of working. The world is dying and buying nice house, nice car, and whatever will not help. I rather do something that is meaningful to help the parents who feeling guilty giving birth with the child who has learning disabilities. Even if I die, I will die in pride that some of the parents and children are able to cope with this realistic world.

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