Sour night

It’s funny how I make my life so interesting, yet tiring. How many have I hurt? I can’t remember the wounds I cut. Actually, there’s too many. And all are equally deep. Some admires me how did I manage to get the numbers. To be honest, I’m not proud at all. In fact I’m tired of this why can’t I just settle down?

Why can’t I just be some guy over there who thirst for hug? Where I am abusing it? In the time the time I spent with all these so called interesting life is nothing. I am to be forgotten in others, as it is what I should be treated. I’m a murder and a thief.

How many hearts I have pierced and how many have I stolen? I lost count. As I am not a good person, at all. 

Men's fetish

A lot typical men have fetish over collections. 

Some like guns. 

Some like animal heads. 

Some like women underwears. 

Me? I’m currently collecting ciggarete box and knives. But I’m still unto cigarrete box then I’ll aim knives.

Been few months and estimated I took about 220 sticks each different types and brands of smokes. Some repetitive due to friends belanja or I forgotten I already have bought one.

From left Benson & Hedges, Dunhill, Peter Stuyvesant, Pall Mall (Red), Pall Mall (Light from Malaysia), Pall Mall (Light from Hong Kong), Winston, Malboro (Red), Malboro (Menthol), Kent (Repeated)

Heartbeats faster than usual.

Been numbers of people told me that my heartbeats very fast. It's not that I am nervous or anything, but I guess I'm born this way.

Probably my unhealthy lifestyle that contributes such problem. Is it a problem? I don't know, perhaps about 10 years from now I can see the result of eating a lot of fast food, soft drinks, and smoke.

Told myself I'll quit smoking until I collected all the types of cigarettes box but I doubted so. Been warned not to smoke a lot of times but I just can't help it. Perhaps this is the attention I could get from others, to smoke so that people would notice me? I don't know. But I really believe most smokers are influenced because of the fact that they wanted attention, then smoke, then they fucked their life so bad that they ended up something that makes them feel a little bit 'higher' which is drug.

15 years ago today I told myself I will not smoke because of drinking remains of the cigarette from a can of coke while my dad was still a smoker. Then again, trying to be nice and share half of the cigarette box to reduce others burden caused me to be one of the smokers. I don't hate myself from doing it. Just the fact that my parents are so devoted with church that makes me so guilty if I even think about smoking. Sigh.

I'm trying! Just gimme another puff and let me think about it. LOL